AquaDots And Plastic Turds

So yet another toy has been recalled, only this time it's actually kinda funny. Or at least it would be, were it not so stupid a mistake on the manufacturer's part. When I heard about the recall, I thought it was because the little brightly colored chunks of plastic were an insane choking hazard (bright colors look yummy to small people). But apparently, when metabolized, the adhesive affects the body in the same way as the date rape drug, more commonly known as Rohypnol. On the one hand, what a great way to get the kids to go to sleep! "Here, honey, suck on this AquaDot like a good boy." On the other hand, it upsets me as a parent that something like this would be sold. Now, it must be understood that there was really no way that the manufacturer or the creator could have known that this adhesive would react like this--there are usually no studies done to find out what something metabolizes into when swallowed by a child. However, this is seriously limiting the choice of toys I will buy my kids for Christmas.
Ladies--when out on the town, always check your cocktail for multicolored plastic beads in the bottom of the glass.
Another toy that was recalled is a Barbie product made by Mattel. I can't remember the name of it, but it's Barbie dressed for a day in the park with her big yellow Lab (this woman has more pets than even the Dream House can accommodate; perhaps it's time for a hoarding intervention). The dog comes with a collar, a leash, a bowl, plastic food pellets, and a functioning gastrointestinal tract. Barbie fills the bowl with the little brown chunks of food, and when the dog's tail is raised and lowered, said pellets emerge, unchanged, from the dog's hind end. Yes. Barbie is, however, equipped with a hot pink plastic pooper scooper with which to collect the tiny plastic shits the huge plastic dog produces. My daughter and I had fits when we saw the ad. (I threatened to buy it for her for her birthday if her math grades didn't come up. You wouldn't believe how fast THAT turned around.) Let us discuss but a few of the myriad problems with this toy.
There is, in fact, little difference between dog food and dog shit either in texture or aroma, especially when the food is canned. Dogs do in fact eat shit, so a dog shitting out shit that is actually shit it has eaten is not outside the scope of normal. Dogs do not, however, lay tiny compact odorless turds. This especially applies to Labradors. If you've ever had to clean up after a hoge dog, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Understandably, though, the makers did not want the toy dog to produce huge, loose, foul-smelling turds as this would likely cause sales to go down, so they decided to make the worst bodily function possible into something clean and sanitized. God forbid Nature should be Natural, a creative theory with which we can credit Disney.
Both Barbie and the unnaturally clean dog have insipid grins on their faces. It is apparently as much fun to produce the crap (dog) as it is to clean up after it (Barbie). I guess a hot pink pooper scooper makes ANY cleanup job fun!
More to the point, why is Barbie picking up dog crap? Why in the hell doesn't Ken get up off his fat lazy ass and walk the damned dog? Is he too busy drinking beer and surfing Internet porn? Or does he use the time when Barbie's at the dog park to have illicit sex with her friends? Perhaps he is put off by the scooper--most men would die before being seen with anything hot pink. Make no mistake, this is in fact valuable training for today's girls--they must be prepared to perform disgusting manual labor while their useless boyfriends/husbands do absolutely nothing to help. And what is a girl good for but to pick up poo?
When I heard about this particular recall, I figured it was due to the disgusting nature of the produce, or possibly that some small child had eaten a plastic dog poop and choked on it (what a stupid way to die). I later found out that there was lead embedded in the plastic of the toy, which I find in no way surprising.
Barbie is a stupid, vicious slut who should be dragged out into the street and shot. Any takers?